Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
