Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
