I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
