the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
