I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Did I show you my penis last night?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
