Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
