Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
