We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
