the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
