Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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