Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
