I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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