I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
