I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just found puke in my bra..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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