Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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