The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
