She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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