im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
