Will you blow on my dice?
youre lurking in front of me
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
