I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
false alarm, still single
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
