I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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