So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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