Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
