He asked to "fluff my boner.."
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
