i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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