the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
