i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
