His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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