I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
