So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
