I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
