i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
