he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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