Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
