could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We're too hungover to prance.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
