Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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