I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
