Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
