I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
