I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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