There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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