Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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