worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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