I'm going to jail i love you
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
