I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
