so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
