i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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