I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
