She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Drake has all the answers
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
