I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
