Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
