Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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