I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
