What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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