How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
