I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
