So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
