barbara walters just said penis...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
