i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
