I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
