We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
