I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
