I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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