i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
3 2 1 whiskey
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
